How to: Dump an Engine Block into a Beetle with a Hangover.

Step 1: Moan.

Step 2: Complain

Step 3: Cry.

Step 4: Acceptance

Step 5: Turn on the ignition and realise the engine is buggered and some prick mis-sold you an engine for a high price.

I woke up after a heavy night and BAM! My engine had been nicked. 

Progress is Upon Us: Lennon

Reading Festival had for me put my work on the back burner as I haven't been around to witness the transformation from FrankenLennon to a near finished article.

Lennon has seen a lot of man hours from my parents and very special guest, my sister offering more than her standard moral support over the tough August Bank Holiday Weekend. While I was gurning, tripping, raving, and rocking the days away in a damp tent with some of the nuttiest and kindest people I am proud to call my friends, it was no rest for the wicked as Lennon's MOT date was fast approaching in the Bank Holiday. It's almost incomprehensible how on earth a mammoth task could even be considered to be completed, only for the engineer at the MOT station to hang a whole project's effort, blood, sweat, and tears in the balance.

Here is FrankenLennon prior to the Bank Holiday.

From memory the past week, Lennon's heart has been fitted to his car (and removed again. I'll inform next time), seats covered, door cards and carpet fitted which absolutely contrasts the paint colour of Lennon, giving a very left field take on the project, not to mention a new steering wheel which I am very pleased to be clasping my grubby hands over when I get to drive the finished article.

The biggest concern was the wiring and inserting all of the windows which no doubt was a pain in the arse. Therefore, we called upon Dale the Handyman who's team did a stunning job on the paintwork which gave Lennon a new lease of life and removed his spots from his skin on the troublesome teenager (who recently turned 47...)

What arguably took the most time was placing a new engine block into the car, failing then coming home the next day hungover to try and finish the job while I was on course to wee, vomit and poo all in unison. A special mention to the pesky bumpers that struggled to fit onto the car and required new irons, all at a cost of course!

For contractual reasons, I can't reveal just what colour scheme the family and I decided upon or some of the finer details until our big reveal some time in the coming weeks, so therefore I'd like to keep you all guessing.

Join us next time to see if Lennon passed the MOT!

Because we all love Alpaca's

Containment of Excitement: VW Vibe Cover Story.

Today marks a special day. So special that I decided to drop all things restoration based and share with you another momentous achievement in the history and career of your fellow blogger, eccentric, and to few of you who read my blog, friend.


I am really, really proud to say I have been given the most exciting opportunity to write for VW Vibe which is the name of a new magazine on the block. I was selected to write a story on a Beetle that suffice to say, looks very left field but it's something I could relate to the trials and tribulations of slaving away for months for just the slightest bit of recognition in the street or just to sit on the motorway with the window down, listening to that stereotypical flatulent sound of a Beetle.


My experiences, even at the tender age of 19 landed me the chance to write the story. That story landed the front cover in just my first ever attempt at real journalism. That, above all, is incredible. Not many people ever get the chance to write for any magazine, let alone a publication that is quickly gaining credibility and sales in a world of dwindling revenue for physical media.

I never expected to achieve any of this, so seeing my name in a nationwide publication just so nearly brought a tear to my eye. This is my achievement, yet it's only the beginning. As I share this moment with you, it's hard to contain myself and let the story slip into a harsh descent of expletives and smiley faces. But, this, this is an incredible achievement.

I now get to smile at night. A lot. Thank you everyone. This surreal rollercoaster keeps on climbing.

I really urge all of you to support me in this, support the magazine too and have a read of the story that I worked so hard to succeed in. Also, thank you to Ig Garrad too for the big break!

'When I Get Home' - Lennon's Arrival

It's been a super busy, super tiring, and super exciting week. I'm proud to say my car was finally sprayed and welded in and after weeks of waiting for him to come home, on Monday (last week) Lennon rolled into the garage like nothing had happened.

I came home after work like that evening like most responsible adults do, knackered from work but determined to ask Lennon where the hell he had been and why he come home so late. Like any guardian, I wasn't angry, but merely disappointed that he had overstayed his curfew of 11pm by over four weeks. I instantly assumed he was drinking diesel with his fellow Beetle friends Ringo, George, and that pesky no gooder McCartney who you may remember... My expectations were met when I had no reply from Lennon as most miserable teenagers respond to their parents when they're in that crucial 'coming of age' phase that we all cherished and embraced our oily faces for years.

After my initial disappointment, I was just happy to see him safe and sound. 

I quickly stamped my joint out on the ground and realised that the bag of weed had got my head quicker than I expected and the moment of clarity hit me heavier than a train. I was talking to a car and not a deceased icon of British culture.

Anyway, Lennon looks cracking, absolutely fantastic. The guys at 'Extreme' did an excellent and although one of the employees always reminded me of my Eastern European dog with that oddly glassy and confused look, despite the language barrier he did a brilliant job. I kept the colour that Lennon is wearing previously and underneath I can only expect a technicolour dreamcoat of paint from all the years. But I'm so happy he's home!

It has been a massive week with lots of work piled into the car by my family. I have helped wherever possible and I can concur that two days working with a hangover and having two hours sleep on Saturday isn't recommended. I apologise that I have been dormant over the week, but I'm super excited on all levels to inform you of his progress in a bid to pass that MOT later in the week.

But that BBQ was good, I was powering on a Crosstrainer at 3am and the host's glass table smashed in a true lawless fashion. Swings and Roundabouts.

Join me when I next get some time to talk about how this project has come alive in just a matter of days.

Lennon the Lemon's Overdue and Painstakingly Overdrawn Respray

What are the benefits of waiting furiously for your car to be resprayed?

• Free lifts
• No petrol money
• Sleep in longer

What are the drawbacks of waiting furiously for your car to be resprayed?

• No car
• Cannot invite the lovely lady from work out for a drink because your dad is cramping your style
• Stereo on a volume so low you require a hearing aid.
• Impersonating the paint sprayers accents and dialect at the dinner table
• Insanity

Frankenstein.

Never fear, it makes for excellent blogging material while I'm pretty tired from my first week at VW Heritage, which suffice to say I'm enjoying every moment. My parents were keen to see how my boy Lennon was getting on at the paint sprayer's during the week. I'd like to note that the welding has been completely finished and during the weekend, we hope that he has been filled in sufficiently, finally ready to go in for a full respray ahead of completion.

Rust free!

Now, the MOT is coming up in double quick time so I'm hoping to have a lot of material as his rapid completion and build comes to fruition with daily updates. This is providing the paint sprayer's actually get their arse into gear and get going with the car.

Filled with rust, now filled with filler and some new metal. Good as new! 

Feel free to view some pictures of Lennon. He's looking like Frankenstein right now with everything removed from the car, except the bare shell now. If you view the posts in reverse, it's about a fitting story where a young boy receives a Beetle where the paint sprayer's did a pretty shoddy job and managed to create rust on the car, but luckily sourced parts from all over the world, regardless of their condition.

Note: The bottom right has been totally reworked. We didn't even know there was any rusting metal there!

Admittedly, it's taking a little longer than we'd hope. Originally the deadline was a week, although that's now been a month. 

I just want my boy back so I can thrash it around the streets.

He's on the mend.

My mother has always had dreams of being a professional photographer...

Sting's Recovery

Who's Sting you say? Well hark back to March when we announced his arrival with the original plan to get him ready to Stanford Hall in 2014 which didn't happen due to other projects and basically running out of time to even acknowledge the existence of Sting.

However, we thought that with Lennon still in the bodyshop after a bleeding month which has greatly irritated me to no end to the point where I could suffer an aneurysm at any given moment that we could start on building up Sting with the decision of running him around like a heap of scrap, but at least solid and drivable. The decision was made last week purely because I need a car to drive around to work and back, which is certainly important. Coupled with the fact my dad goes back to work in September and I will be doubling my journey per day, it's imperative I am in a Beetle that's got an MOT and actually starts.

Thus, we took the wraps off of Sting for this week, who hasn't seen sunlight since April and my dad has been cracking on with the welding. Here are just a few pictures of Sting in his sorry state throughout the post, although he's on the mend!

Join us tomorrow for an update on the main man, Lennon the Lemon.

I'm an Official VW Heretic. Now A VW Heritage Employee!

I'm super proud to announce that I enjoyed my first two days as a VW Heretic! I recently landed a job, ahead of the move to Shoreham from their current home in Burgess Hill with the world renowned parts company, VW Heritage.

As a warehouse man, it's all super physical but it's awesome to be a part of something that's related to classic VW's and embrace a culture where everyone lives and breathes VW.

I will be informing you of any movements related to VW Heritage as and when they occur.

Join me tomorrow for an update on Sting. Remember him? Neither do we.